These skills are borrowed from DBT, otherwise known 'Dialectical Behavioural Therapy'; it is a type of therapy used for people who have Borderline Personality Disorder, although a lot of the skills anyone may find useful.
“THINK” Skills - interpersonal skills used to reduce negative emotions towards a situation.
Example: Arguing whether your SO should take your child to school.
- Think about the situation from another person’s respective.
- Have empathy and think about how the other person is feeling.
- Interpretations matter - think about another way of seeing things.
- Notice the other person in the situation.
- Kindness, even if you disagree with a situation.
“DEAR MAN” Skills - interpersonal skills used to ask for something in a respectful and effective way.
Example: Arguing for a pay rise.
- Describe the situation as you see it.
- Express your thoughts and feelings around the question.
- Assert your thoughts - why is this important to you?.
- Reinforce your goals if you get what you ask for.
- Mindful - stay in the moment, don’t worry about alternative scenarios.
- Appear confident while negotiating.
- Negotiate and find a middle ground where all parties are happy.
“GIVE” Skills - interpersonal skills for relationships
Example: Going out for a first date.
- Gentle - be mindful of the other person’s emotions.
- Interested - show the other person you are interested in what they have to say.
- Validate their feelings by verbally showing you do care.
- Easy manner - appear as relaxed and comfortable as you can.
“FAST” - maintaining your self-respect during conflict
Example: Your coworker has messed up your work schedule.
- Fair - try to think of the situation in a balanced way, instead of in black and white.
- Apologies / no apologies when not necessary.
- Stick to values - don’t crumble under pressure when it goes against your values.
- Truthful - are you or the other parties telling the truth? Why?